[The yelling doesn't even faze him, and he patiently listens to everything. With a soft hum, he suddenly reaches out to grasp Akai's chin, movements carrying snake-like swiftness (that is a bit unfair to be using on even Akai). His hold is unyielding as he leans in to look Akai right in the eyes.]
Hate you, so you can run away. So you can have an excuse to quit? So you can keep your hands over your ears, and the blindfold over your eyes? [Jianyu lets him go, and then smiles.] I'd just like to make sure I understand, is all.
All these things you're talking about - people going away, never coming back, people being forgotten - are things that are normal parts of existence, for beings such as myself. I remember many gods, demons, and such that nobody else does.
I loved many, I lost many, and I have started over more times than you could possibly count or imagine. [His voice is gradually shifting towards anger that currently matches the same level of emotion as Akai.] Just as you are wondering why I haven't given up on you, I am wondering why you are treating me caring and still being here as a fucking punishment. [He stands, gesturing to the side before a fiery scroll appears in his hand.] If existing alongside me is truly going to be so unbearable for you, perhaps we can work out a new deal, my darling, selfish Akai.
One that could perhaps force you to see the reality you're refusing to perceive.
[He tugs a little against the grip, but it's half-hearted at best. Akai can't say much to the first two; he does kind of want to run away and quit. For a long time, he was more pissed off that there really was life after death than anything.]
What the fuck do you think I'm not hearing and seeing?
Do you think I didn't already know you're stronger than me? I was broken to begin with, it's not hard.
[Akai looks almost confused for a second, not at Jianyu's anger but at the idea of Jianyu really having to wonder why. That he really might not know. He doesn't flinch back at it, either. He was never afraid of pissing off his Hoshi and he doesn't see a reason to be afraid of pissing off Jianyu.] Because I don't know if you care about me or if I just remind you of the Akai you had before!
[He grits his teeth at the appearance of the scroll. And a little at the words. His previous deal was with a different Hoshi, after all. And half with Akira.]
The only thing I want is my people back, Jianyu. And if you can give me that, I don't know what the fuck you've been playing at this whole time because you'll be more powerful than anyone else here.
[He simply gives a steady, unwavering smile, but there's something increasingly chilly about it. Without saying anything else, he places the scroll onto a table in front of Akai - even if that requires willing a table into existence first. Trying to so much as touch the scroll, without simply the intention of signing it, will be unpleasant. To put it lightly, that is. It's the kind of frigid cold that someone might expect to feel out in space, and yet that's nothing compare to the tone of Jianyu's voice as he verbally puts the contract into a more succinct form.]
Currently, it'll expire in twelve months. On the final day, your fate will be determined by your actions between this moment and the expiration date. Heaven, Hell, or The Abyss. In the event that it does not wind up being The Abyss, you'll be given the same capabilities as any other waking world angel or demon - walking around, visiting people, et cetera. Naturally, you'll have the same limitations as them, as well. As examples, demons cannot simply go around hurting people, without reason... and angels cannot revive just anyone.
The terms are simple: during the timespan of the contract, you'll spend each month with a person of my choosing. You will learn from them - whether that's listening to them talk, or helping them with whatever they ask of you, is for them to decide.
Every three months, you will be given an evaluation by both me and the three people you spent time with. After the evaluation, if you did poorly, time will be added onto the contract period - with a maximum limit of three months. If you did well, you will be given a reward. Do well enough, and the tri-monthly reward will be the return of one person. I will not guarantee the exact point in time they come from, but it will be someone you are currently missing. That person will know you as this version of Akai - not as some other timeline's Akai.
Lastly, on the day the contract expires, you will never see nor hear from me again. Our business will be finished, and you will have all of your people back.
You have one day to decide whether to sign it, or to be sent to the waking world Lucifer, for him to decide what to do with you. If the latter happens, you will not be seeing me again, from tomorrow onward.
[Jianyu, apparently, really is more powerful than anyone else here. There's a lot he doesn't understand about him, or about the differences between him and the Hoshi Akai knew, but he's still sure that the contracts are binding. It's something Jianyu can do. Akai stares at the contract for a long moment. Part of him wants to jump on the chance, sign right away, but another part just feels heavy and...sad.]
Sounds like you'll be washing your hands of me no matter what I choose. It's just a matter of when.
I'm afraid you don't have much else in the way of payment, the way you so clearly see things. [There is only a calm, hollow smile.] The faster something valuable is to be delivered, the higher the price will be.
On that note, I will leave you to think it over. You know how to reach out when you need me.
What's there to think about? If I don't sign, I just get thrown out like trash for a stranger to decide my fate and you're done with me even sooner. But I guess that's pretty much what would have happened if I hadn't made the first deal, too.
[Akira had just been a stranger back then, after all. Or whatever tangled mix of Akira and Hoshi they'd been at the time.
Akai stares hard at the contract, trying to figure out if there's a loophole somewhere. If Jianyu even wants there to be. Maybe he doesn't, and this is the answer to Akai's question. He's not worth the trouble anymore.
But then why is that smile so hollow?]
You'd usually make a payment with something the receiver wants. Is this what you want?
He isn't as much of a stranger as you think. I imagine this Lucifer is someone you'd find very... relatable.
[There's a significant pause before he responds to the question.]
You'll find the best results will come from you thinking more about what you want, Akai. [Jianyu studies him for a moment, and then finally adds:] The things I want most in this universe are no longer an option.
[Akai scrubs his hands roughly over his face during that pause. He curls in on himself again, torn between anger and pain and grey misery.]
...if I sign it, am I the only one paying?
[What he wants... He knows what he said and it wasn't a lie but it also isn't that simple. He wants them back but all of that is tangled up in wanting to be loved, wanting to feel like he deserves that love, wanting to stop bringing pain to himself and others, wanting to be better than this.]
[He watches Akai for a moment, and the second question is the one that gets a hint of amusement before he answers the first question.]
Lucifer is someone you've met, many times, in many ways. The real Morningstar is someone you once called a friend. You'll find his presence comforting, I'm sure. [A beat.] And, yes, the only one paying the price of this contract is Akai.
It's a valid fucking question. The amount of power this looks like it would take is insane. Excuse me for wondering if it'll cost you something.
[Bringing people back from Erasure, turning him into an angel or demon outside the dream? Things he didn't even think could be done.
Fuck he's stupid. He thought if Jianyu stopped caring, so would he, but here Jianyu is, throwing him away, and he still wants to make sure the stupid contract won't hurt him.
There's plenty of possible catches, though. And the contract feels so cold. Ominous.
He ends up part of the waking world either way. Cut out of Jianyu's life either way. No guarantee of time period means they might know him before they had any reason to care about him. And if he wakes up, won't he forget? Only 'Akai' pays the price...]
[He can't help laughing softly. There's almost a gentle and sad kind of amusement in there, despite himself. For a long several seconds, he seems to be mentally weighing choices. Finally, he shakes his head.]
I don't think you're ready for that answer. For now, just focus on what you do know.
cw: Goro Akechi, i.e. self-loathing, reference of past murder, I s s u e s
[He swallows probably three different bitter responses there, one hand gripping his other arm tightly.
What he does know. Ha, assuming anything he thinks he knows is even the truth. But what comes to mind first is... numbers.
Twelve people plus Jianyu, base minimum, having their lives affected if he takes the deal. Plus the people he'd get back; he doesn't know if he'd be rescuing them or dragging them back from something happier. All he knows is that he wants them back.
All the people he killed over the years, both before and after his deal. All the rampage incidents. Revenge for his mother, but she'd never asked for it.
How many lives did he end or twist or attach to, just to go on hating himself? Wanting people to care but thinking anyone who did must be crazy. If he's not worth it, what gave him the right to do it?
To keep doing it.
That's what the deal would be. Continuing to put the weight of his existence on other people instead of bearing it himself.]
...I want to stop. I don't want to use other people to keep going anymore. Put the fucking scroll away, Jianyu. No more deals.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Hate you, so you can run away. So you can have an excuse to quit? So you can keep your hands over your ears, and the blindfold over your eyes? [Jianyu lets him go, and then smiles.] I'd just like to make sure I understand, is all.
All these things you're talking about - people going away, never coming back, people being forgotten - are things that are normal parts of existence, for beings such as myself. I remember many gods, demons, and such that nobody else does.
I loved many, I lost many, and I have started over more times than you could possibly count or imagine. [His voice is gradually shifting towards anger that currently matches the same level of emotion as Akai.] Just as you are wondering why I haven't given up on you, I am wondering why you are treating me caring and still being here as a fucking punishment. [He stands, gesturing to the side before a fiery scroll appears in his hand.] If existing alongside me is truly going to be so unbearable for you, perhaps we can work out a new deal, my darling, selfish Akai.
One that could perhaps force you to see the reality you're refusing to perceive.
no subject
What the fuck do you think I'm not hearing and seeing?
Do you think I didn't already know you're stronger than me? I was broken to begin with, it's not hard.
[Akai looks almost confused for a second, not at Jianyu's anger but at the idea of Jianyu really having to wonder why. That he really might not know. He doesn't flinch back at it, either. He was never afraid of pissing off his Hoshi and he doesn't see a reason to be afraid of pissing off Jianyu.] Because I don't know if you care about me or if I just remind you of the Akai you had before!
[He grits his teeth at the appearance of the scroll. And a little at the words. His previous deal was with a different Hoshi, after all. And half with Akira.]
The only thing I want is my people back, Jianyu. And if you can give me that, I don't know what the fuck you've been playing at this whole time because you'll be more powerful than anyone else here.
no subject
Currently, it'll expire in twelve months. On the final day, your fate will be determined by your actions between this moment and the expiration date. Heaven, Hell, or The Abyss. In the event that it does not wind up being The Abyss, you'll be given the same capabilities as any other waking world angel or demon - walking around, visiting people, et cetera. Naturally, you'll have the same limitations as them, as well. As examples, demons cannot simply go around hurting people, without reason... and angels cannot revive just anyone.
The terms are simple: during the timespan of the contract, you'll spend each month with a person of my choosing. You will learn from them - whether that's listening to them talk, or helping them with whatever they ask of you, is for them to decide.
Every three months, you will be given an evaluation by both me and the three people you spent time with. After the evaluation, if you did poorly, time will be added onto the contract period - with a maximum limit of three months. If you did well, you will be given a reward. Do well enough, and the tri-monthly reward will be the return of one person. I will not guarantee the exact point in time they come from, but it will be someone you are currently missing. That person will know you as this version of Akai - not as some other timeline's Akai.
Lastly, on the day the contract expires, you will never see nor hear from me again. Our business will be finished, and you will have all of your people back.
You have one day to decide whether to sign it, or to be sent to the waking world Lucifer, for him to decide what to do with you. If the latter happens, you will not be seeing me again, from tomorrow onward.
Are we clear?
no subject
Sounds like you'll be washing your hands of me no matter what I choose. It's just a matter of when.
no subject
I'm afraid you don't have much else in the way of payment, the way you so clearly see things. [There is only a calm, hollow smile.] The faster something valuable is to be delivered, the higher the price will be.
On that note, I will leave you to think it over. You know how to reach out when you need me.
no subject
[Akira had just been a stranger back then, after all. Or whatever tangled mix of Akira and Hoshi they'd been at the time.
Akai stares hard at the contract, trying to figure out if there's a loophole somewhere. If Jianyu even wants there to be. Maybe he doesn't, and this is the answer to Akai's question. He's not worth the trouble anymore.
But then why is that smile so hollow?]
You'd usually make a payment with something the receiver wants. Is this what you want?
no subject
[There's a significant pause before he responds to the question.]
You'll find the best results will come from you thinking more about what you want, Akai. [Jianyu studies him for a moment, and then finally adds:] The things I want most in this universe are no longer an option.
no subject
[Akai scrubs his hands roughly over his face during that pause. He curls in on himself again, torn between anger and pain and grey misery.]
...if I sign it, am I the only one paying?
[What he wants... He knows what he said and it wasn't a lie but it also isn't that simple. He wants them back but all of that is tangled up in wanting to be loved, wanting to feel like he deserves that love, wanting to stop bringing pain to himself and others, wanting to be better than this.]
no subject
Lucifer is someone you've met, many times, in many ways. The real Morningstar is someone you once called a friend. You'll find his presence comforting, I'm sure. [A beat.] And, yes, the only one paying the price of this contract is Akai.
no subject
It's a valid fucking question. The amount of power this looks like it would take is insane. Excuse me for wondering if it'll cost you something.
[Bringing people back from Erasure, turning him into an angel or demon outside the dream? Things he didn't even think could be done.
Fuck he's stupid. He thought if Jianyu stopped caring, so would he, but here Jianyu is, throwing him away, and he still wants to make sure the stupid contract won't hurt him.
There's plenty of possible catches, though. And the contract feels so cold. Ominous.
He ends up part of the waking world either way. Cut out of Jianyu's life either way. No guarantee of time period means they might know him before they had any reason to care about him. And if he wakes up, won't he forget? Only 'Akai' pays the price...]
...did I know you outside the dream?
no subject
I don't think you're ready for that answer. For now, just focus on what you do know.
cw: Goro Akechi, i.e. self-loathing, reference of past murder, I s s u e s
What he does know. Ha, assuming anything he thinks he knows is even the truth. But what comes to mind first is... numbers.
Twelve people plus Jianyu, base minimum, having their lives affected if he takes the deal. Plus the people he'd get back; he doesn't know if he'd be rescuing them or dragging them back from something happier. All he knows is that he wants them back.
All the people he killed over the years, both before and after his deal. All the rampage incidents. Revenge for his mother, but she'd never asked for it.
How many lives did he end or twist or attach to, just to go on hating himself? Wanting people to care but thinking anyone who did must be crazy. If he's not worth it, what gave him the right to do it?
To keep doing it.
That's what the deal would be. Continuing to put the weight of his existence on other people instead of bearing it himself.]
...I want to stop. I don't want to use other people to keep going anymore. Put the fucking scroll away, Jianyu. No more deals.